I know I'm not perfect..sheesh.

So I've been scolded, yelled at, put down just cause I can't do things the right way at the right time. I know I mess up a lot, but I'm not the kind of person to mess up badly if I can't bring myself back up on my feet. It would be nice though if I had someone to help me up. It's really uncomfortable to live my life with all these people called my "family" "supporting me". Honestly, I don't feel like I'm supported properly. My mom living with me doesn't even talk to me, and my grandma is always yelling at me making me feel like I'm worthless and I don't do things the right way. And the rest of the family doesn't even realize what I'm feeling, even if they did they wouldn't even understand me. They would just get mad at me for being upset. Sounds ridiculous huh?
And I understand it's partly my fault too because I've been slacking and lagging. I mean what do you expect, I'm just trying to live my life the way I think is peaceful and somewhat distressful. I don't like stressing out cause I'll freak out and have a breakdown. I'm trying to avoid that. And for some reason no matter what I do, my so called family will ruin it. And to me it hurts how no one's on my side. You wanna know something that's really messed up? Today my grandma confronted me and said something about the whole family not being on my side or not caring anymore. I don't know if that's what she really said cause I can't really understand filipino, but I'm pretty sure that's what she meant through her tone.
I don't want much from them, I just want a peaceful vibe and a little more love, considering the fact that my mom didn't turn out the way I expected. I want to love my family and I don't want to end up loving my friends and boyfriend more. Everyone's telling me family is the best thing, but I don't see it that way yet.
I've never felt so lonely in my life before. I don't even have my own space to vent my feelings. I don't want to have a perfect life, I just want things to be easier, and It's not that I don't want to work hard for it, it's just that it's hard for me to work for it. I'm just asking for a really good life or a good time without having to pay for it through pain, for once in my life I wish that was possible. I've seen something like that before and I know it can happen to me.