Circle of Life.

I know that I may not be the only person who knows this, but I'd still like to discuss how life contains such beautiful patterns. Life is NOTHING BUT BEAUTIFUL patterns. Living your life is like a journey to finding out the patterns and sequences. I say this because I've been discovering a few patterns lately. Like when your depressed/upset one day, your happy and enlightened the next day or vice versa.
Just because my blog contains plenty of unhappy entries, I don't want you guys thinking I'm some sort of mentally depressed psyco. haha. It just happens to be that I vent more often through writing. I rarely write when I'm happy. If I do, it tends to get cheesy. But yea. Today was a good day thought, it was worth it after two days of head racking disappoinments.

Old vs. New

I need to upgrade EVERYTHING in my life. Or should I let life upgrade itself for me? I don't know but things are getting really old now. My routines, my interest and the people. I'm not trying to say I need new people, new routines, or new interests, I'm just trying to say I need to upgrade those factors. Seriously though, I'm not too happy with the way things are. I hate to admit, but I will easily let go of those things I love if it means for me to be happy. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm just desperate to not be upset anymore. I really despise how I'm ALWAYS upset or depressed. Nothing good ever really comes to me. Maybe like 45% of the time. And when they do come, I get all joyful and thankful. I just want to be thankful of the goodness in life rather than being depressed with the negativity always bothering me. Sheesh. Can't I get a break?! A really long one??

I know I'm not perfect..sheesh.

So I've been scolded, yelled at, put down just cause I can't do things the right way at the right time. I know I mess up a lot, but I'm not the kind of person to mess up badly if I can't bring myself back up on my feet. It would be nice though if I had someone to help me up. It's really uncomfortable to live my life with all these people called my "family" "supporting me". Honestly, I don't feel like I'm supported properly. My mom living with me doesn't even talk to me, and my grandma is always yelling at me making me feel like I'm worthless and I don't do things the right way. And the rest of the family doesn't even realize what I'm feeling, even if they did they wouldn't even understand me. They would just get mad at me for being upset. Sounds ridiculous huh?
And I understand it's partly my fault too because I've been slacking and lagging. I mean what do you expect, I'm just trying to live my life the way I think is peaceful and somewhat distressful. I don't like stressing out cause I'll freak out and have a breakdown. I'm trying to avoid that. And for some reason no matter what I do, my so called family will ruin it. And to me it hurts how no one's on my side. You wanna know something that's really messed up? Today my grandma confronted me and said something about the whole family not being on my side or not caring anymore. I don't know if that's what she really said cause I can't really understand filipino, but I'm pretty sure that's what she meant through her tone.
I don't want much from them, I just want a peaceful vibe and a little more love, considering the fact that my mom didn't turn out the way I expected. I want to love my family and I don't want to end up loving my friends and boyfriend more. Everyone's telling me family is the best thing, but I don't see it that way yet.
I've never felt so lonely in my life before. I don't even have my own space to vent my feelings. I don't want to have a perfect life, I just want things to be easier, and It's not that I don't want to work hard for it, it's just that it's hard for me to work for it. I'm just asking for a really good life or a good time without having to pay for it through pain, for once in my life I wish that was possible. I've seen something like that before and I know it can happen to me.

Romeo's version of the Love Story<3

THIS MADE ME CRY LOL

We were both young when I first saw you.

I close my eyes and the flashback starts..

.. you're standing there.. on a balcony in summer air.



See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.

Making my way, I'm moving through the crowd to say "ello.."

Little did you know..



.. that I was Romeo, as I was throwing pebbles..

.. heard your father say "Stay away from Juliet!"

Had to leave you crying on the staircase.. begging me "Please don't go!"

So I said..



Julie I'll take you somewhere we can be alone.

Just be patient.. nothing left to do but run.

You'll be the princess, I'll be the prince..

It's a love story baby say "Yes."



So you sneak out to the garden I'm hiding..

.. we keep quiet cause we're dead if they find me.

Close your eyes.

.. escape this town for a little while.



I was Romeo, you were my Juliet.

Even my father said loving you is not worth it.

Had to leave you on crying on the staircase.. begging me "Please don't go!"

So I said..

Chorus

Julie I'll save you, they'll never come between us!
Just hold on and love is gonna free us!

Don't be afraid, oh we'll make it through this!

It's a love story.. baby just say "Yes."



I'm sure she's tired of waiting.

Swear I'm on my way, just had to work some things out!

I hope her faith's not fading..

.. that was when I met her outskirts of town..

.. and I said..



Julie I apologize, didn't mean to scare you.

Need you more than anything.. I refuse to share you.

Saw it in her eyes, she didn't know what to think..

I knelt to the ground and I pulled out a ring..



And said..

"Marry me Juliet.
You'll never have to be alone.

I love you and that's all that I really know!

I talked to our families, pick out a white dress..

.. it's a love story baby just say "Yes."

'

Cause we were both young when I first saw you.

17 forever=]

Happy Birthday to me and happy 11months! yaayyy. So I really underestimated this whole day. It started off really bad with an argument coming from my boyfriend. He let me down on a few things but what matters was that he made it up for the upsets. I was really disappointed about a few things, like how people were acting kind of annoying in the household, like I was PMSing or something. More like AMSing. So we went to the city during the day and he took me out to this restaurant for dinner. The food was helaa good. And he made the moment really cheesy by writing me this song. Sound sweet huh? Well our argument in the morning was worth it.

People Actually Do CHANGE, Well Some =/

I lived my life thinking that people will never change, and It's been proven right to me..til now. The people you focus on the most, and the people you wish to change the most are the ones who won't change. But from my experience, the people that I learned to just leave alone and let them be, are the ones who actually change. I'm shocked. Because never in my life would I have thought THEEY would change. But you know, It also wasn't them that changed themselves a hundred percent. Gotta give me some credit too, because I changed as well, which probably evoked them to change.
And believe it or not, I love them now, I never used to look up to them, I thought of them as the worst people and I blamed them for my depressions but now, I feel safe around them, I feel open around them and they've been a highlight of my days.
So guys, when you loose hope in the ones that you love, word of advice just don't mind the change and focus more on who makes you happy rather then focusing on them changing. People actually do change, maybe just not the way you want them to, this world revolves around compressions and adjustments. People are meant to change but they never promised to change the way you want them too. Enjoy what you've got while it's good and don't mind what depresses you. Enlighten up!

PS. and by the way I forgot to let you guys know, when people do change for the better, I understand that you guys might be flabbergasted but you have to learn to accept the change, and I know that the good adjustment is too good to be true, but guess what? It's all real and don't be afraid to trust them =] If they hurt you again, well then that's when you know the change wasn't a good one.

Blog.

As many of you asked me why I barely have pictures on my blog, It's because for me, this isn't really a blog where pictures are contained. I called it my "public diary" for a reason. My diary consist of mostly words to give out a visual image in your head. So yea. And you wonder why would I have a public diary? Believe it or not but people don't want to admit how nosy they are with other people's lives, so to make it easier for them, i give them something from my life to wonder on. And I'd be surprise if you guys actually read everything I post. Cause I gotta admit, my entries are pretty long.