it's either LOVE or SUCCESS.

I can't stress this topic enough. I'd consider you lucky if you can perceive both and have it all. Not everyone can have that. As people say, love comes to you after success or vice versa, but to me its either one or the other. I know i'm young and everything but im ambitious as well, and that trait gets me deciding whether love overpowers success. If i have one, ill be synthesizing the other. Confusement is where im at. if i make the wrong decision, i cant just regret it.
Being with my other side of the family made me realize something again. My lifestyle leans towards them, the success they have and the materialistic life they live, all cause of success. BUT overall, my life has been nothing but searching for love, and i found it on this side of my comfort zone. And honestly, love isnt making me feel so successful. Im filled with nothing but foolish decisions..and a i know it may seem so unconcerned, but my mind is also filled with nothing but lethologica. I cant just be sitting here forgetting everything i say. This upsets me. It makes me feel like im heading no where good towards life. And honestly, i blame my environment and vibes from "these" people. People should understand that success comes from a family who gives off the proper love, not the crazy love. the love that proves you need mental help. and so far, i haven't received the proper love to motivate me to success.
I know may sound a little dull but its seriously affecting me. I need HELP. No, not thaat kind of help. but more like motivation. I want to be around positive people right now. i really dont care what's fun anymore, cause fun has lead me to hell. Im not going to live my life in hell all cause of fun. I want to get my priorities straight, and if you want to help me, my doors are always open, know that you will receive the same back from me.

once de marzo.

Im highly disappointed with life at the moment. As thankful as i am with many things, the cons outweight everything this time. I know i shouldn't trip about these nonsense issues of mine but it's piercing through me. I feel as if im not being lead through the right place, or further more into details; i dont see a possiblity of me being in the right place. The world is fuckin scary though. Its a low percentage for people nowadays to succeed with all the distractions..weed pills, etc. Blame it on the alcohol. I have to admit, the BEST times in life is one of the worst. And the best words you'll hear is deceiving. And no one is helpful nowadays. Everyone is so dumb. Barely anyone knows what's worth it or not nowadays. Why cant people use theyre fuckin heads? And you know what i cant stand the most? People who try a little too hard to be the shit, most of all, people who think theyre the shit. A pice of shit i would say. Cant stand this nonsense. As bad my temper already is, alot of things really boost it up. I HATE LIFE..for now.

secks. realli?

So yea. today yesterday and the day before was one of the boringest weekend ever. It rained the whole time, ruining my plans, like i even had plans. And this week contained plenty of disappointments. I've been bitchin' out lately. ugh i believe it's the birthcontrol thats affecting it, ugh. anyways im not looking forward to school tommorow, i heard its going to rain and besides that, i wont be able to hang out with babe. *sighhh* i feel like crying right now, its a bit too emotional for me how im lisening to songs that's bringing me back to time. i HONESTLY miss the old days =( the happiness that i dealt with. like now that i have a certain happiness, i loose another one. LIFE is so UNFAIR, i wish it could cut me some slack a bit and make at least one thing fair.