There's always gona be anotha mountain, im always gona wana make it move..

..ain't about how fast i get there, ain't about what's waiting on the other side..
Life's a bitch..but everytime i hear that song, i always have to remember..it's not always about the happy ending, it's about how i how got there. blah blah blah. I can't help but to just stay pessimistic. It's how i stay sane. When i'm happy then there's something amiss in my life situation. Smells bittersweet don't it?


Reminding yourself about the life you live in is the only medicine that can heal this world's demented ways that have poisoned our minds and brainwashed us. I would know 'cause I've been through nothing but heavy experience. I could only take so much. and with this experience, id like to share with you all what the conclusion has caused to me think. I've been hypocritical when i give out advices, but as long as it helps then there's nothing defective.


Anyways here's some poems and quotes i find attention catching but to you maybe arid:

"Rivulets of light
pouring through onto the
green expanse of the world
shadows of clouds wading in the blue
of the sky
swallows diving and twirling and tumbling graceful
like ribbon-creatures
what if it was suddenly gone?
would you notice?"

"... people will eat whatever theyre fed. Why? Because we as people have an appetite for atrocity and we long to be full - even if it is to be full of the bulls*** we as humans feed ourselves..."

"I think when you recognize the evil in yourself you become the kind of person who can change anything"

"I'm not asking to have the perfect life...I'm just asking for it to be a little less difficult."

"I observe the pitiful naive world today,
So shallow and living the wrong way..
In hatred, selfishness, and denial.
Is it wise to make our special moments meaningless,
To ignore their value,
To make them not worthwhile?"

"Only when we have been deprived of things does it mean so much more."

"Love, Sex, Relationships, and even Life has lost its value.. because we choose to make it so meaningless.."

"Beat in my heart as you stir my night
wake up my soul by your touches light
scream to my deafness , teach me
deeply how to listen, to blindly see

hold my cracked bones into your arms
heal me my love, by a look that charms
light my room by the sparkle of your eye
be the star that brighten this inner sky

oh hold me close under the jewels of the rain
with every drop, give me a kiss for my pain
for by every touch you'll heal & strength my soul..
Haven't I said before, you're the part that can
did, and forever will make me perfectly whole"

Daydream on the spot.

I think im crazy. What do you think? I don't know. I think i just have a unique set of minds..and a bit too much conscience. It's all good, least I'm not psychotic. Anyways.. Guys, do me a favor and please don't criticize what you can't understand, thanks, that's all. I want to get off the computer and call my boyfriend. And have phone sex. just kidding.

sounds familiar?

Better Off Alone (Radio Edit) - Alice Deejay

Time kills pain.

flashbacks, and this is how i wish to feel:

"Cool"
It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

everyone fucks up once in a while

Like i stated, EVERYONE'S a fuck up once in a while. And just cause you do, don't give up. From common sense, it't obvious that shit happens and you have no where to go so you go straight to doing what you gota do to feel good..blah blah blah. And you know what, i maybe a little hypocritical with this statement but i feel as if im a fuck up =[ i dont know. i believe it's just the time period im currently in. Everything's crashing down on me. So whatever i don give uh fuck nomore, so drink it up, smoke it up, pop it up and fuck it up. just kidding.
But really though, this whole fuck up situation is not getting me anywhere good. I'm sacrificing my own loving relationship just to focus on my virtues. And im stressing out like crazy on prom. Its not even my prom. ugh. and Im failing most my classes. Trapped and no where to go, can anyone help me?? Well theres this poem i just read that changed me a bit:

GO TO SCHOOL
I was in a college classroom and the professor asked the class

"Raise you hand, if you would kill for you family?"

like a Wild West quick draw, it took me no thought

i raised my hand high stretched like the tower of Babylon reachig for the heavens

but was i the only one to raise my hand in this class?

naw, all hands in the class was raised like we was hailing a dictator

he replied "I'm assuming its all out of love, huh?"

we all nodded our heads proud to hold it down for out families

ready to attack, wishing somebody would bring harm to our folks

but backlash would come so fast as the professor replied

"Then why cant we learn for our families? HuH? Why can't we go to school for our families? What does skipping school do for your family? Does that help? How about killing? Tell me what does it do?"

and the only thing that was on my mind was my peoples

high school statistics in the city say Pacific Islanders are one of the smallest populations in the school district

but yet are among the highest dropout rates

and i cant understand this because i see potential in my people

like seeing the sun when it sets, you can't ignore it

i cant ignore the Saturday afternoon games young uso's play to get that scholarship for college

I cant ignore the meolody of three pat harmonies sang over the accoustics by my young PI sisters

I cant ignore PI artist hidden in history class creating masterpieces

on pieces of papers that they should be takin they notes on

i cant ignore the slice of humble pie my brothers and sisters share with each other

I cant ignore how the cops ignore out potential and instead racial profile

i cant ignore being ignored my society

because society has already set our standards and these standards are lower than hell

knowing that we were brought into this world with standards unlimited

were encouraged to do okay but thats not okay because we were destined to be something great

seeing a future as a soldier more likely than a future in the classroom doesnt cut it for me

so wake up PU people because we making movies out here

City College of San Francisco is making moves out here

i say it out loud and clear what are you going to do out here

we got this long road of life dont spend it living in fear

we navigated throught the south pacific using the stars and the motherland as our compass

gifted speakers know to move mountains the history of leading is in our blood
Im a Pacific Islander physicially intimidating with a hidden heart of gold

moved my love never my intimidation

originators of the tattoo, pioneers in sea exploration, i am a wordsmith continuing the oral traditions

of our ancestors telling you to wake the fuck up, acknowledge your potential

and be what you want to be, be a teacher, a preacher, a lawterm a chef

an artist, a doctor, a poet, your best

and next time the professor asks "raise you hand, if you would kill for your family?"

the answer next time will be "why wyould you even ask me that question because right now im too busy living it up for my family"

ANDREW VAI