Daydream on the spot.

I think im crazy. What do you think? I don't know. I think i just have a unique set of minds..and a bit too much conscience. It's all good, least I'm not psychotic. Anyways.. Guys, do me a favor and please don't criticize what you can't understand, thanks, that's all. I want to get off the computer and call my boyfriend. And have phone sex. just kidding.

sounds familiar?

Better Off Alone (Radio Edit) - Alice Deejay

Time kills pain.

flashbacks, and this is how i wish to feel:

"Cool"
It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

Remember Harbor Boulevard
The dreaming days where the mess was made
Look how all the kids have grown
We have changed but we're still the same
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

everyone fucks up once in a while

Like i stated, EVERYONE'S a fuck up once in a while. And just cause you do, don't give up. From common sense, it't obvious that shit happens and you have no where to go so you go straight to doing what you gota do to feel good..blah blah blah. And you know what, i maybe a little hypocritical with this statement but i feel as if im a fuck up =[ i dont know. i believe it's just the time period im currently in. Everything's crashing down on me. So whatever i don give uh fuck nomore, so drink it up, smoke it up, pop it up and fuck it up. just kidding.
But really though, this whole fuck up situation is not getting me anywhere good. I'm sacrificing my own loving relationship just to focus on my virtues. And im stressing out like crazy on prom. Its not even my prom. ugh. and Im failing most my classes. Trapped and no where to go, can anyone help me?? Well theres this poem i just read that changed me a bit:

GO TO SCHOOL
I was in a college classroom and the professor asked the class

"Raise you hand, if you would kill for you family?"

like a Wild West quick draw, it took me no thought

i raised my hand high stretched like the tower of Babylon reachig for the heavens

but was i the only one to raise my hand in this class?

naw, all hands in the class was raised like we was hailing a dictator

he replied "I'm assuming its all out of love, huh?"

we all nodded our heads proud to hold it down for out families

ready to attack, wishing somebody would bring harm to our folks

but backlash would come so fast as the professor replied

"Then why cant we learn for our families? HuH? Why can't we go to school for our families? What does skipping school do for your family? Does that help? How about killing? Tell me what does it do?"

and the only thing that was on my mind was my peoples

high school statistics in the city say Pacific Islanders are one of the smallest populations in the school district

but yet are among the highest dropout rates

and i cant understand this because i see potential in my people

like seeing the sun when it sets, you can't ignore it

i cant ignore the Saturday afternoon games young uso's play to get that scholarship for college

I cant ignore the meolody of three pat harmonies sang over the accoustics by my young PI sisters

I cant ignore PI artist hidden in history class creating masterpieces

on pieces of papers that they should be takin they notes on

i cant ignore the slice of humble pie my brothers and sisters share with each other

I cant ignore how the cops ignore out potential and instead racial profile

i cant ignore being ignored my society

because society has already set our standards and these standards are lower than hell

knowing that we were brought into this world with standards unlimited

were encouraged to do okay but thats not okay because we were destined to be something great

seeing a future as a soldier more likely than a future in the classroom doesnt cut it for me

so wake up PU people because we making movies out here

City College of San Francisco is making moves out here

i say it out loud and clear what are you going to do out here

we got this long road of life dont spend it living in fear

we navigated throught the south pacific using the stars and the motherland as our compass

gifted speakers know to move mountains the history of leading is in our blood
Im a Pacific Islander physicially intimidating with a hidden heart of gold

moved my love never my intimidation

originators of the tattoo, pioneers in sea exploration, i am a wordsmith continuing the oral traditions

of our ancestors telling you to wake the fuck up, acknowledge your potential

and be what you want to be, be a teacher, a preacher, a lawterm a chef

an artist, a doctor, a poet, your best

and next time the professor asks "raise you hand, if you would kill for your family?"

the answer next time will be "why wyould you even ask me that question because right now im too busy living it up for my family"

ANDREW VAI

it's either LOVE or SUCCESS.

I can't stress this topic enough. I'd consider you lucky if you can perceive both and have it all. Not everyone can have that. As people say, love comes to you after success or vice versa, but to me its either one or the other. I know i'm young and everything but im ambitious as well, and that trait gets me deciding whether love overpowers success. If i have one, ill be synthesizing the other. Confusement is where im at. if i make the wrong decision, i cant just regret it.
Being with my other side of the family made me realize something again. My lifestyle leans towards them, the success they have and the materialistic life they live, all cause of success. BUT overall, my life has been nothing but searching for love, and i found it on this side of my comfort zone. And honestly, love isnt making me feel so successful. Im filled with nothing but foolish decisions..and a i know it may seem so unconcerned, but my mind is also filled with nothing but lethologica. I cant just be sitting here forgetting everything i say. This upsets me. It makes me feel like im heading no where good towards life. And honestly, i blame my environment and vibes from "these" people. People should understand that success comes from a family who gives off the proper love, not the crazy love. the love that proves you need mental help. and so far, i haven't received the proper love to motivate me to success.
I know may sound a little dull but its seriously affecting me. I need HELP. No, not thaat kind of help. but more like motivation. I want to be around positive people right now. i really dont care what's fun anymore, cause fun has lead me to hell. Im not going to live my life in hell all cause of fun. I want to get my priorities straight, and if you want to help me, my doors are always open, know that you will receive the same back from me.

once de marzo.

Im highly disappointed with life at the moment. As thankful as i am with many things, the cons outweight everything this time. I know i shouldn't trip about these nonsense issues of mine but it's piercing through me. I feel as if im not being lead through the right place, or further more into details; i dont see a possiblity of me being in the right place. The world is fuckin scary though. Its a low percentage for people nowadays to succeed with all the distractions..weed pills, etc. Blame it on the alcohol. I have to admit, the BEST times in life is one of the worst. And the best words you'll hear is deceiving. And no one is helpful nowadays. Everyone is so dumb. Barely anyone knows what's worth it or not nowadays. Why cant people use theyre fuckin heads? And you know what i cant stand the most? People who try a little too hard to be the shit, most of all, people who think theyre the shit. A pice of shit i would say. Cant stand this nonsense. As bad my temper already is, alot of things really boost it up. I HATE LIFE..for now.

secks. realli?

So yea. today yesterday and the day before was one of the boringest weekend ever. It rained the whole time, ruining my plans, like i even had plans. And this week contained plenty of disappointments. I've been bitchin' out lately. ugh i believe it's the birthcontrol thats affecting it, ugh. anyways im not looking forward to school tommorow, i heard its going to rain and besides that, i wont be able to hang out with babe. *sighhh* i feel like crying right now, its a bit too emotional for me how im lisening to songs that's bringing me back to time. i HONESTLY miss the old days =( the happiness that i dealt with. like now that i have a certain happiness, i loose another one. LIFE is so UNFAIR, i wish it could cut me some slack a bit and make at least one thing fair.